crossdressing and sexuality

Lora
Posts: 0
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:15 pm

crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Lora » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:39 pm

I have not posted here much as of yet, I have been reading the boards for quite some
time. You all have such great input. Here is a little brief background on
myself. I have been married for 18 years. My wife has known about my desire
to crossdress for about 8 years now. After telling my wife she went through a period of
shock, anger and finally acceptance. Over the years since I told her I have been
consumed with family and work. I have not really committed much time to
crossdressing and developing my fem self. I am now feeling a strong pull to start
express my other side. My wife is very supportive of my feelings to express
myself through crossdressing. Through much reading, talking and understanding she
and I both realize that being a crossdresser is part of what makes me the man she
loves. Through our discussion we have been pondering the questions below.

The question I would like to pose to all you here is: How does being a crossdresser
define you sexuality? What role does it play? I know for some when you are
enfem you are attracted to men. For others, myself included, you are still attracted to
women. Finally for you, what is the sexual component, if any, of your desire to
crossdress?

If I am out of line with these types of questions or breaking the rules of the message
board please let me know.

Lora

Shelley
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:40 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Shelley » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:39 pm

Hi Lora,

I don't think your out of line here at all after all this is that sexuality forum.
Provided we don't get into intimate details it's fine.

I am a CD also and have been for almost fourty years. I believe that it defines my
sexuality in that when I am intimate with my wife there is a fine line between whether
I am a man with a woman or a woman with a woman or a woman with a man. Physically it is
obvious most of the time although there are erogenous zones that when stimaulated makes
it all a little fuzzy.

I think it was DennisinGA who very recently said in one of the forums that sex is 90%
in the mind. Certainly this is the case with most women from what I understand and it
is certainly the case for me. My understanding of most men is that it's likely to be
10% in the mind and 90% grunt but I digress. It is the mind and it's ability to
fantasize that allows you to change roles and actually experience the feeling of being
different from the physical reality.

For some CD's there is also the sexuality of crossdressing particularly in the
beginning. I personally experienced this in the beginning and through my teens however
I belive that to be more related to being a teenager and all that testosterone being
confused by my desire to crossdress.

These days I feel that I walk a line between male and female and because of that it
extends into my sexuality. I feel that I have a feminine side that expresses herself in
all aspects of my life. Shelley is a very real part of my life. Few know of the reality
of Shelley but many have commented on my ability to be in touch with my softer side
(thanks to Shelley).

So I guess the answer to your question is yes Shelley does have a need to express
herself in the sexual side of my life although those around me are not necessarily
aware of it at the time.

Shelley

Jillieann Rose
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Jillieann Rose » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:40 pm

Hi Lora,

First I think you are asking a some very intresting questions.
I also am a CD and have been married for over 31 years. Ilove my spouse.
But only recently accepted what I am, mostly female in a male exterior.
I agree with what Shelly said



Jillieann

Cassandra
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Cassandra » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:40 pm

Hi Lora,

Welcome to Susan's. I can't really answer your questions from a CD standpoint. I only
know that component from my CD friends here. I'm a MtF TS. I live full time. But,
perhaps I can give you another point of view. I have never been sexually turned on by
dressing enfemme. It is merely a natural extension of myself. I do find some men
attractive but not in a sexual context. I am only attracted to women and more
specifically my wife of 25 years. Of course as a by product of HRT I have very little
libido these days. Not non existant but there are two factors. 1) HRT itself has taken
a toll. 2) The idea of sex with my current equipment is repulsive.

As I said I can't speak for CD's but since you seemed to be asking everyone I thought
I'd give you at least one TS's point of view. As you have said you have been reading
the boards and I'm sure you are discovering there is a wealth of information here and a
lot of friendly people. So fix yourself a cup of tea, or other relaxing beverage, sit
down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey,

Cassie

Louise
Posts: 0
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2017 7:23 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Louise » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:41 pm

Although gender and sexuality are not the same thing, it is difficult at times to
separate them. I can say that I am a heterosexual male who enjoys expressing my
feminine side by dressing en femme. But what exactly is "expressing the
feminine"? It is not just wearing the clothes, although this is an important
element for me. It is also behavior and feelings. The full range of
feminine behavior and feelings includes sexual behavior and feelings.

I have been happily married for over 35 years. My wife knows about my
crossdressing and is quite supportive and understanding, but one line that we do not
cross is mixing sexuality with my crossdressing. We may exchange kisses when I am
dressed en femme, but any serious intimacy is reserved for my male role. So as
far as outward expression, we separate crossdressing and sexuality.

But it is quite another thing to separate gender and sexuality in private
fantasies. While I am completely heterosexual in behavior, I often have fantasies
in which I am a woman in a relationship with a man. These may be somewhat more
frequent when I am dressed en femme, but they are not limited to then. When
watching a romantic movie, I often empathize with the female characters. This
occurred most recently when my wife and I saw "Pride and Prejudice"--a film I
enthusiastically recommend. I would not describe these fantasies as "homosexual",
since the relationship I imagine is a heterosexual relationship between a man and a
woman--it is just that I imagine myself as the woman.

Lisabeth
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Lisabeth » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:41 pm

Hi Lora,

When I was younger, I found crossdressing to be sexually arousing, but as I have gotten
older and more in tune with my inner feelings, I find it to be more of an expression of
who I really am on the inside. For example, when I am driving, sometimes I will
put on my earrings, some lipstick, a pink baseball cap, and female sunglasses, and I
feel great. There is nothing sexual about that for me, just letting my feminine
side come through. I am strictly heterosexual, but when my wife and I make love I
imagine we are a lesbian couple. If she touches me the way a woman likes to be
touched my mood and excitement level are elevated 10-fold. When she touches me
the way a man would normally like to be touched, my excitement level drops like a
rock. I hope this helps.

Lisabeth

joanna_cd_2000
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:49 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby joanna_cd_2000 » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:42 pm

Hieee,
I'm in my forties and have enjoyed dressing ever since I was 12 or so. it started wth
my mother's silky panties from the wash before washing) and then i graduated on to
other lingerie.
I love painting my toesies, wearing ankle chains and toe rings and of course make
up.
i sleep in a babydoll often with something phallic shaped where i pretend I'm pleasing
a man orally.
i am straight and love feminine company but have had two gay experiences, once where i
was dressed very girlie.
The problem now is I'm in a very conservative Moslem country in the Persian gulf and
it's very difficult to find Cd companionship.
in fact, dressing is an arrestable offense here.
Just wanted to share my thoughts and hugs and kisses to all us girly girls out
there.
Love
Joanna

HelenW
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:49 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby HelenW » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:42 pm

Welcome to Susan's Joanna!

I'm glad you found us and have chosen to contibute to our forum. I hope that your
sharing via the internet doesn't out you in any way. Is it illegal even when you
CD at home alone? I think that's awful but at least you don't run the risk of
being murdered by a vigilante group the way things are happening in Iraq.

Please make sure you read and follow the site rules and feel free to contribute in any
of the various message boards but don't limit yourself to the forum alone, the WIKI
links and other features of this site are also very good. I'll be looking forward
to reading more from you,

again, WELCOME!
helen

Annie Social
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:49 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Annie Social » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:43 pm

Hi Lora... good topic!

I am a transitioning TS, but for years (going back to some of my earliest memories) I
have known I was female, and dressed accordingly when possible. I never thought it
would be possible for me to transition, so dressing the part in private was my only
outlet.

After reaching puberty there was of course a sexual component to it, but it was never
the point of dressing. I was becoming a sexual person and as I knew I was female, my
sexuality was strongest when I was expressing my true gender.

Over the years dressing became more and more a part of my life, as my despair at having
to live as a male grew stronger. Sex remained incidental, and even when I wasn't
dressed, my sexual fantasies were those of a woman. In my relationships I was, in my
mind, female.

Now that I have finally begun to transition, clothing still plays a big part, although
in ways different from before. Prior to realizing that change was possible, I tended to
dress in an ultra-feminine manner, compensating for my hated masculinity. As my
transition progresses, I tend to dress more casually, with the more feminine look
reserved for special times, like going out clubbing, or meeting friends for Sunday
brunch.

The necessity of dressing as a male at times has become horribly depressing; I am still
working as a male, and spending 10 hours a day 5 days a week that way is getting to be
more than I can abide. I try to make it a bit easier to deal with by wearing all womens
clothing, even in male mode: jeans, sneakers, and tops that are androgynous enough to
get away with. I'm hoping that won't be necessary much longer.

By the way, if it matters, my orientation has always been toward women, although I have
to admit I have recently begun to see the appeal of men. Well, some of them,
anyway!

Annie

carolyn todd203
Posts: 0
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2016 11:56 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby carolyn todd203 » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:43 pm

In my sexual relationships while physically I functioned as a male emotionally, and in
my sexual fantacies I have been the female. With my current spouce I am her
girl friend emotionally and have stated so during sex. When I come home
from work I am out of my male uniform and into my own female clothes as soon as
possible. Even thought surgery is not in my future I my femininity grows
daily.

Trudi
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:49 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Trudi » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:44 pm

"The question I would like to pose to all you here is: How does being a crossdresser
define you sexuality? What role does it play? I know for some when you are
enfem you are attracted to men. For others, myself included, you are still attracted to
women. Finally for you, what is the sexual component, if any, of your desire to
crossdress?"

I don't think the crossdressing defines my sexuality, but is part of it. I am attracted
only to genetic females. I am Blessed to have a Bride who not only knows and accepts,
but participates in my crossdressing, whether we be just about the house, eating,
reading, on-line, watching television or in the most intimate of moments.

Some believe that our sexuality is determined either by "nature" (predisposition) or
"nurture" (environment). I am from the camp which believes it is part of our
nature.

For some, crossdressing has no sexual component at all. For others, it is what is
considered a "fetish" and there are many degrees in between. For me, crossdressing is
simply expression of the balance of masculinity and femininity I've been Blessed with
whether in a sexual setting or not. When in male mode (EnDrab) in a public setting I am
considered an "Alpha male". With my Bride the blending of the masculine and feminine is
always present regardless of attire or lack thereof. EnFemme I am passive/submissive to
my Bride and she takes a more Dominant role.

jan c
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:50 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby jan c » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:44 pm

When the libido was a big part of what clued me in to what I am, actually crossdressing
was too intense for me, pretty much. I have always had a harsh mix of hormonal
activity. The basically female sexuality was stimulating the male parts. Too much, it
was eventually like torture to me, and I self-medicated that out of existence.
Entirely.
Now that I have accepted my fate as it were, what I wear does not seem to me as a
cross-dressing expression.
The only sexual component is more like this example: my friend and I bought some real
similar long - up to here - sox. While comparing the look, she giggled and
said: "I think we're supposed to wear little skirts with these!" And we both sorta
squealed like schoolgirls. (pretty immature huh?)
So I can imagine the dressing, being attractive to a male sexuality, no doubt. Have not
actually been there or done that.
Oh and per this part of your question: I am somewhat interested in men sexually, a
thing that was really hidden til recently, but not attracted to them. In fact,
emotionally and mentally they tend to leave me cold, but maybe I travel in the wrong
circles.

Annie Social
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:49 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Annie Social » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:45 pm

attracted to[/i] them. In fact, emotionally
and mentally they tend to leave me cold, but maybe I travel in the wrong
circles.

Jan, I'm going through something similar, but in a different way: I've begun to feel an
attraction to men sexually, but not physically.

What I mean by that is that I'm discovering that I like the idea of being with a man
sexually, and I'm really turned on by the little touches, the protectiveness, the arm
around the waist, and so on. Yet the sight of a guy does nothing for me. It's
not like the attraction I had toward women, where I would see someone really hot and
fantasize about being with them.

Maybe it's just part of the difference between men and women.

Annie

jan c
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:50 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby jan c » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:45 pm

yeah Annie, the whole 'that guy is really cute/hot' thing is lost on me. I've
considered the thought that the visual cue to a turn-on is more of a male than a female
thing, we've all heard that said, but I donno about that.
I'm probably just a 'lesbian' with a kink.
A little like you have pointed out, I find certain behaviors 'cute' (but lol a
little like I find children cute) or sweet even...

Marlene
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:50 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Marlene » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:46 pm

Heya

What an interesting thread this one... I somehow feel this ( CD/TG ) is the gender I�m
attracted to...

Chynna
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:50 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Chynna » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:46 pm

I think you & your wife are right when she stated



but for some it's a sexual turn on. for others its a way in which to explore your
feminine side, for others a way to get more in touch with your emotions and feelings.
For me it WAS or began has a manner of fashion!
I mean come on dressed up has man is just a suit give a girl some flare &\or
variety skirt, pants set, dress, ball gown oh my!
as for defining your sexuality just stop why bother! LOL
Your still attracted to the wife & women in general so I'd say sexuality
defined

or maybe I just had way to much chocolate this morning.
In any case just an opinion.

Wishing there really was a Wonka chocalote factory
Chynna

mrcool
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:50 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby mrcool » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:47 pm

Interesting, indeed. Let me ask: Do some hetero-indentified CDs ever
fantasize about male partners, even if the reality is not
something you have pursued? In other words, even for straight CD guys, is
dressing in a female way associated with ideas of being
sexual in a female way?

Or is this completely beyond such categories?

N.E.D.0
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2016 3:47 am

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby N.E.D.0 » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:47 pm

hetro-identified CD, well I guess I would fit that description. Yes I
have fantasized often about male partners with me always playing the part of a
woman. I was a thing that worried and distressed me as I thought it signified I
was gay. In real life I have never seen any man that interested me
sexually.
I funny thing I noticed, since I told my wife about Rana, and since I told all of
this to a therapist, those fantasys have stopped - I did not even miss them or in fact
realise they had gone until I read this post

Rana

jan c
Posts: 0
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:50 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby jan c » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:48 pm

dressing[/i] in a female way
associated with ideas of being sexual in a female way?

Or is this completely beyond such categories?
stepping out onto a shaky branch, possibly...

It has been my thought for some time - and this is just me, so like, chill - that the
whole "85% of cds are hetero" has got to be taking their reporting at face value, as
100% reliable. (and not talking about categories other than the 'dresses for sexual
gratification, on some level' one here.)

What are these clothes - EG: Frederick's, V.S., U-Name-It, designed to primarily do?
dressing in a female sexual role has got to indicate desire to be sexual in a female
way.

Dan0
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2016 4:16 pm

Re: crossdressing and sexuality

Postby Dan0 » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:48 pm

so many points to ponder


this worries me also, but i am not intrested in men so i wont panic yet.


KateAlice


Return to “Crossdress discussion 1”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests