Progress

Lisabeth
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Progress

Postby Lisabeth » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:13 am

In a few posts, I told everyone here how my wife confiscated all of my things (wigs,
clothes, make-up) when she found out I posted my picture on a tg friendly site when I
was trying to find a name for myself. I thought the world audience could help,
and felt the picture was incognito enough that no one would recognize me. I felt
fairly safe posting it, and didn't see anything wrong with it. The same picture
as the one to the left. She was furious and told me it was very deceitful on my
part to dress up while the kids were in the house sleeping. It's been a sore
subject around here for the last 2 months. Anyway, last night things really came
to a head. We had a long discussion about my desires, and I told her that I would
not be deceitful if she could only accept me for who I really am, like she said she did
before we were married (I had told her in advance). I told her I wanted our
marriage to work, but the only way I could go forward was for her to accept all of
me. I told her if she didn't want to take part that would be okay, but to please
just give me some private time, where I wouldn't have to feel like I was sneaking
anymore. I ended up going to be in a huff, and it seemed like are relationship
had hit a wall.
This morning I woke up and went downstairs, and all the confiscated things
were there in a pile with a note on top. "Just don't do it when the kids are in
the house." I went back upstairs and thanked her for understanding. I asked
if she minded if I hung the clothes in my closet. We are actually in the process
of remodeling the bedroom. She said, "when you finish the painting and flooring
we will make a spot for your things". I was on cloud nine.
She may not like it but it looks like she is trying to accept it. I plan on
taking things extremely slow, but it feels so nice to know I don't have to hide my
things anymore. I can hang them in my closet just like a real woman would.
I also told her that I would be happy to see a therapist, and we could go together to
some of the appointments if she thought that would help. She agreed. She
wants to try to understand this. Progress is being made! If you can't
tell, I am very excited. I just thought I would share, I am sure there are others
like myself out there that know what it feels like when a barrier comes down.
It's just so liberating.

All my love,

Lisabeth

Dennis
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Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:35 am

Re: Progress

Postby Dennis » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:14 am

That's great news Lisabeth. Congratulations to you and kudos to your wife for having
the fortitude to rethink her decision and reconsider. That takes a lot more than most
of us have.

Dennis

Cassandra
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Cassandra » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:14 am

Congratulation Lisabeth,

It just goes to show with time patience and communication it is possible to get beyond
the misunderstandings and the plain old rejection of who we are. Kudos.

Cassie

stephanie_craxford
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby stephanie_craxford » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:14 am

Baby steps, baby steps. It is so important to communicate if you both want the
relationship to continue. As you have found out or are finding out it is all
about compromise, communication, and give and take on both your parts. Stay away
from ultimatums, as your behaviour affects you both equally, even when it is done in
private. It's great that you've made such progress and that you've agreed to see
a therapist. It's great news.

Steph

Jillieann Rose
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Jillieann Rose » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:15 am

Lisabeth,
I'm realy happy for you. Sound like the first step to a better realtionship in a
expanding world for the both of you.
Love Ya Sis

Jillieann

Shelley
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Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:40 am

Re: Progress

Postby Shelley » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:15 am

Sooo.. Happy for Lisabeth,



That advice of Steph's worked for me a while ago. The other thing is that you may have
to accept some compromises but i really think that is what life is when shared with
another.

Shelley

Lisabeth
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Lisabeth » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:16 am

Hi everyone,

I have seen this happen here before. Someone gets there hopes up that progress is
finally being made only to have the "rug pulled out". My wife insisted that in
order to move forward I had to be totally honest with her about my recent female
purchases. I agreed, and told her how I had put some jeans, bras, and two pairrs
of high heeled shoes since she had originally confiscated my things. I also told
her how I skipped my office Christmas party to drive 60 miles to get some of the
things. Once again, she became furious. I explained that she wanted honesty
and that was what I was trying to giver her. When I am honest I am met with all
kinds of negativity, so that is why I hide. She says I'm a *^&#*# nut case,
and names several psychological disorders that I surely have. She's an R.N. on a
behavioral health psych unit. I would think in her profession she would be more
understanding, but she is not. She adds that if we ever divorce down the road,
any judge will make sure any visits I have with my children will have to be
supervised. It seems that she plans on being very vindictive if the marriage
doesn't work. I want the marriage to work for my children's sake. I love them
more than you can imagine. At another point I suggested that we go out sometime
together, with me dressed, in Provincetown, Mass. where transgendered individuals are
accepted. She says absolutely not, because it would be too embarassing for her if
we ran into someone we knew. The chances are extremely slim of that, it is one
state away, although we did run into someone we knew there once. So, two steps
forward one step back I guess. I am feeling low right now. Some progress
has been made, in that things are out in the open, but there is so much negativity on
her part, I can't see how things will get better any time soon. Thanks for being
there for me. I love you all.

Lisabeth

stephanie_craxford
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby stephanie_craxford » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:16 am

Hello Lisabeth,

Not a very good turn of events by any stretch of the imagination. It's seems that
your wife is in the know about what TG issues are, but doesn't want to admit
them. It would also seem as though she is very upset that you would go to such
extremes as skipping a company function to buy cloths.

At this point in time I would have to say that going out together with you dressed is a
little too much too fast as well. You both need to sit down and discuss this
through, where you see your relationship going how far you intend to go, what situation
can you both live with. Just remember you are not going to be able to have it
both ways. And the biggest issue of all is you are going to have to be prepared
for the consequences, and those can have a tragic side.

There is almost no way around this, it's going to be tough but if you want to stay in
your marriage then you are going to have to fight for it. But one final point,
staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children is not often the best
solution for any family.

Steph

Cassandra
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Cassandra » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:16 am

Hi Lisabeth,

I really feel for you. When your wife said she wanted honesty what she wanted to know
was had you been going on behind her back. This you admitted to. The fact is if you
want to preserve this marriage you should not have gone behind her back on this. It
constitutes a betrayal. Your fem side should have told you this. You worked things out
only to have it fall apart because of your infidelity. Infidelity is not just having
relations with another person. It is also doing things which you have promised not to
do.

If you are going to work this out you have to apologise. You have to make this up to
her. What did it accomplish going behind her back? You talked. She relented. Gave you
back your stuff, only to find what? That you had gone behind her back when you knew
better. I'm sorry to be a little harsh here but it is the facts of the matter that have
you in hot water. It's a relationship. You ask for some give and take yet you
disrespect her by going behind her back. I hope I'm making sense to you here.

Anyway, it's just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

Cassie

Jillieann Rose
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Jillieann Rose » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:17 am

Lisabeth,
I'm hurting for you too.
Your wife needs time to adjust.
It sounds like she lashed out at you because she is hurting and confused.
I think what Cassandra said

is one thing your wife is hurting
about even if you thought it was really no big deal.
Talk to her tell her and show her you love her and need her. Don't
push your cross-dressing, but do be very open and honest.
Again give her time a lots and lots of TLC.
Pray for you.
Love Ya Sis
Jillieann

Jillieann Rose
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Jillieann Rose » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:17 am

Yes your right Melissa and always be honest.
Jillieann

Louise
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Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2017 7:23 am

Re: Progress

Postby Louise » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:18 am

Lizbeth,

It is good to hear that you and your wife are communicating, but openness can often be
painful as well. The others here have given you some good advice, particularly
about the need to keep communications open and apologizing for past
transgressions. My wife is very accepting of my crossdressing, but when we were
first working through these issues there was a lot of pain for both of us. What
hurt her the most (and I suspect this is the case with your wife as well) is the fact
that I hid things from her--even if my reason for hiding them was to avoid hurting
her. Another of my wife's concerns is not letting friends and family know about
my crossdressing--it would be embarrasing to her. We have three grown children
who have all moved away from home. Even though all are mature and quite open
adults who would probably accept the fact that I am a crossdresser, my wife does not
want them to know anything about Louise. I suspect your wife has similar
feelings. Whether you or I think these feelings are irrational or not, the fact
is that our wives have these feelings and we need to respect that.

I hope and pray that you and your wife can work through this.

Lisabeth
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Lisabeth » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:18 am

Thanks everyone for you words of wisdom. Cassie, you are correct, when you go
behind someone's back it can only come back to hurt everyone down the line. I
know I shouldn't have done this. I did actually buy the things before she
returned my others. At that point I really did not know if it would be days,
weeks, months, or years that I would have them back. I know honesty is the best
policy, but I also know when I tell her the truth about my expenditures she ends up
furious with me, so I hide. I know that's not a great excuse. At this point
she wants me to stop buying things for my fem side completely. I would like to do
that for her to make her happy, but I'm not sure how long I can comply. I
really have all I need now, but sometimes it seems I just have no self control when I
get that desire for something feminine, and I know at some point I will break
down. I guess that's why I need to find a good therapist. The thing about
therapy, is I'm not looking to stop dressing, just to have more self control when it is
going to effect those around me. I know she does not like when I put my picture
on the internet, so in an effort to come to some level of peace and understanding in
our relationship, I may change my picture to a generic one to make her happy. I
hope everyone understands. I do like using my real picture, but her understanding
is more imporant to me right now. Anyway, I should get going. I want you
all to know how much I appreciate your input and support.

Lisabeth

Cassandra
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Cassandra » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:18 am

Hi Lisabeth,

Time, patience and communication are the keys here. You say you have enough. Good, let
that tide you over until you can come to some understanding that will allow an
occasional self indulgence. Just don't do it behind her back. A straight forward I'm
going to buy this anyway and I hope you will understand is far better than her finding
a receipt for a new pair of pumps she did not receive. If you expect to keep this
relationship together and healthy, honesty and communication is the only recipe that
stands a chance of working. You will simply have to be happy with what you have now so
that in the future you can shop without risking a divorce.

Therapy is good. When you find a good therapist, maybe at some point you could get her
to go with you and help her better understand so that she does not feel so threatened.
For her when you go behind her back, it's like you are seeing another woman and you are
that woman.

Just some thoughts to consider.

Cassie

Lisabeth
Posts: 0
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Lisabeth » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:19 am

Thanks Cassie,

I am hoping my wife will join me for a few sessions with the therapist, but I am also
hoping that it is to understand me and is not done in an effort to "cure" me so to
speak. I really like who I am, and feel like I would not be being true to myself
if I don't express that side of me. I love my wife, and I think once the initial
shock wears off, that through an honest and open relationship we can overcome our
differences and come to some sort of compromise. I appreciate your words of
advice, they are very helpful to me right now. Also, I guess I am not quite ready
to change to a generic picture yet. I'm not sure I can get used to seeing someone
else's face with my name. I am sort of proud of who I am. If it
really bothers my wife "down the road", I will change it.

Lisabeth

Jillieann Rose
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Jillieann Rose » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:19 am

Lisabeth,
Hang in their. We are with you.


That�s the
altitude.

Here�s a HUG for you sis.
Jillieann

molly
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby molly » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:20 am

LisaBeth:

Thank you for this post. It sounds like you have crossed another milestone in
your life and with your relationship with your wife. All the advise about
communication and honesty is good advise. I find it comforting to have a
community of sisters who are there for you with support and wisdom based on having
already traveled that road. I hope this ends on a positive note for you (however
you define that).

I have been thinking alot about coming out to my wife, but quite frankly I am scared
to. Your post and the responses have been good for me to read because they give
me some real life idea of what to expect when I do reveal Molly to my wife. Like
yourself I have made the decision to begin therapy to help me move forward into
unchartered territory like coming out to my wife in my case.

Molly

Shelley
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Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:40 am

Re: Progress

Postby Shelley » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:20 am

Shelley

Lisabeth
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:22 am

Re: Progress

Postby Lisabeth » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:21 am


Amazon D0
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Joined: Sat Nov 05, 2016 4:26 pm

Re: Progress

Postby Amazon D0 » Sun Feb 05, 2017 3:21 am

Glad to hear that you have a session set up with your therapist. I hope it goes
well, but do not expect miracles overnight. Good therapy often takes time.

I am convinced that if two people really love one another they can find a compromise.


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